I have never been a crier. My family sees me as the runt of the litter. I have never been tough enough and have always been the biggest crier in the family. Having said that though, I never really cried much. I think that my family are secretly a bunch of over exaggerators. I am in fact one of the toughest, strongest people I know. Don't just take me opinion for it though. I have been told this by countless other people too. I have always cried silently, in private if at all. I have felt that it is a sign of weakness, probably from my family's overwhelming thoughts of how emotionally incompetent I am.
As a teacher, and surrogate parent, I have an even firmer belief in crying privately. You'll hear it all the time, "Don't cry in front of your kids". Teachers, however, are told this over and over again. "It shows weakness". "Don't let them see you as weak". I am sure you know these age old sayings. I can only reflect on my own schooling; seeing a teacher cry always made me feel compassion. I am sure there are others like me who feel bad when a teacher cries. After all, teachers are human beings too. They have feelings just like the rest of us.
Something changed deep within my soul though. I cannot tell you a single thing about my turning point as I have no idea when exactly it happened. It is definitely something that happened to me though; I had no control over it. Perhaps it was self-fulfilling prophecy; after all, I was emotionally bullied into being tougher by my family growing up. When the tears started, they were an endless river. My pent up emotions were like the flood that God sent when he instructed to Noah to build the ark. In hindsight though, I guess this makes the most amount of sense seeming as I am such an extremist; living in a very black and white world.
Since unleashing my emotions, I cannot watch any sad movies, or listen to sad stories, even some music has forever been deleted, never to be redownloaded or YouTubed again. I found the more I oppressed my feelings, the more they escaped my clutches and poured through my hand like sand being held on too tightly. I broke numerous cardinal rules along the way as a result.
It wasn’t, however, until a friend of mine were having a conversation about crying that I had a second epiphany; this time acutely aware it was happening. It was a lengthy conversation where the outcome was profound. She convinced me that crying is healthy as it is the purging, the letting go of, and the washing away of negative emotions. Crying is the purifying and cleansing of the soul; like raining washing away debris. It is essential in some situations in order to move on.
I still cry from time to time, and sometimes more often than others, but more importantly, I learned not to bottle up my emotions; and that sometimes you just have to cry.
As a teacher, and surrogate parent, I have an even firmer belief in crying privately. You'll hear it all the time, "Don't cry in front of your kids". Teachers, however, are told this over and over again. "It shows weakness". "Don't let them see you as weak". I am sure you know these age old sayings. I can only reflect on my own schooling; seeing a teacher cry always made me feel compassion. I am sure there are others like me who feel bad when a teacher cries. After all, teachers are human beings too. They have feelings just like the rest of us.
Something changed deep within my soul though. I cannot tell you a single thing about my turning point as I have no idea when exactly it happened. It is definitely something that happened to me though; I had no control over it. Perhaps it was self-fulfilling prophecy; after all, I was emotionally bullied into being tougher by my family growing up. When the tears started, they were an endless river. My pent up emotions were like the flood that God sent when he instructed to Noah to build the ark. In hindsight though, I guess this makes the most amount of sense seeming as I am such an extremist; living in a very black and white world.
Since unleashing my emotions, I cannot watch any sad movies, or listen to sad stories, even some music has forever been deleted, never to be redownloaded or YouTubed again. I found the more I oppressed my feelings, the more they escaped my clutches and poured through my hand like sand being held on too tightly. I broke numerous cardinal rules along the way as a result.
It wasn’t, however, until a friend of mine were having a conversation about crying that I had a second epiphany; this time acutely aware it was happening. It was a lengthy conversation where the outcome was profound. She convinced me that crying is healthy as it is the purging, the letting go of, and the washing away of negative emotions. Crying is the purifying and cleansing of the soul; like raining washing away debris. It is essential in some situations in order to move on.
I still cry from time to time, and sometimes more often than others, but more importantly, I learned not to bottle up my emotions; and that sometimes you just have to cry.
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