I have always been a meticulous planner. I enjoy the mundane task of organising. I couldn't do it permanently but doing it here and there brings a sense of order and joy to my life. I have been organising and planning my life ever since I can remember. From the epic thrill of creating lists to the satisfaction of seeing a job well done, I enjoy every second of planning things out precisely.
Most young girls dream of a white wedding. They plan carefully and thoughtfully down to every last detail. Some, the extremists, do so much planning that all they have to do is 'insert groom here'. I have simply never been one of those girls. Instead I have chosen to plan out my life in exquisite detail. For any sane person reading this, this should be a completely laughable matter. It is impossible to plan things out in entirety.I am not suggesting that you shouldn't have goals laid out. The road of life will be exceptionally long if there were not attainable pit stops along the way.
To accompany my ritualistic planning I have also developed very finite ideas along the way. My world has become very black and white so to speak with little to no grey area whatsoever. My finite ideas are so concrete, and have been from such a young age, that I should have had a bed at an institution on standby long ago.
I believed, not hoped, that by the time I had reached my current age I would have moved out, met someone to share my life with, I'm talking Mr Right now not Mr Right period, and have been relatively happy and settled. Instead, I find myself in quite the opposite situation.
I took this huge leap of faith only to find myself having belly flopped into the ground. So I picked myself up and tried to make further plans for my life. I thought I'd be on the next pane out on yet another adventure. When this too did not happen I went back to the drawing board and planned away again. So far nothing has worked out the way I planned. I'm not just speaking about recent failed events. I mean I might as well rip up every draft I have ever had and take every finite idea I have ever had and flush it down the toilet.
The same way some little girls make plans for their wedding when they are far too young to understand the full concept of marriage and all it entails, I have found out that no amount of finite ideas and planing will ever make this journey of life any easier. I have come to realise that you can make as many plans as you like, but if they are not what life has in store for you, you'll get the biggest fright of your life because it is at that precise moment when life laughs in your face! HARD!
Most young girls dream of a white wedding. They plan carefully and thoughtfully down to every last detail. Some, the extremists, do so much planning that all they have to do is 'insert groom here'. I have simply never been one of those girls. Instead I have chosen to plan out my life in exquisite detail. For any sane person reading this, this should be a completely laughable matter. It is impossible to plan things out in entirety.I am not suggesting that you shouldn't have goals laid out. The road of life will be exceptionally long if there were not attainable pit stops along the way.
To accompany my ritualistic planning I have also developed very finite ideas along the way. My world has become very black and white so to speak with little to no grey area whatsoever. My finite ideas are so concrete, and have been from such a young age, that I should have had a bed at an institution on standby long ago.
I believed, not hoped, that by the time I had reached my current age I would have moved out, met someone to share my life with, I'm talking Mr Right now not Mr Right period, and have been relatively happy and settled. Instead, I find myself in quite the opposite situation.
I took this huge leap of faith only to find myself having belly flopped into the ground. So I picked myself up and tried to make further plans for my life. I thought I'd be on the next pane out on yet another adventure. When this too did not happen I went back to the drawing board and planned away again. So far nothing has worked out the way I planned. I'm not just speaking about recent failed events. I mean I might as well rip up every draft I have ever had and take every finite idea I have ever had and flush it down the toilet.
The same way some little girls make plans for their wedding when they are far too young to understand the full concept of marriage and all it entails, I have found out that no amount of finite ideas and planing will ever make this journey of life any easier. I have come to realise that you can make as many plans as you like, but if they are not what life has in store for you, you'll get the biggest fright of your life because it is at that precise moment when life laughs in your face! HARD!
No comments:
Post a Comment